New Chancellor Will Get More Money

Sometimes, it is hard for my to type through the tears as I imagine the struggles that our current chancellor-in-chief experiences. Recently, she complained to those still unlucky enough to work with her that this "anonymous voice" just doesn't understand what she is going through. As much as that pulled at my heart strings, I do have to remind her that given the fact that she never, ever, ever, ever explains herself, it can't really be my fault that I don't "get" how hard it is to be her.

The board of trustees (who I have decided no longer deserve capital letters) is falling all over themselves to reassure any potential chancellor candidates that they won't have to work for the pittance paid to the current occupant of that vaunted position (a measly $324k if you can imagine the indignity!) I say, finally, hurrah, good for them. It must be so hard to stand up in the face of the powerless and give in to moneyed interest. The courage it takes to roll over (and on top of the rest of us) and promise more to an as yet un-wooed confidential individual...it warms my heart.

So, how much more than $324k are we talking about?

Well, it hardly seems dignified that a mere dean (albeit of the under-populated nano school) should make more than the grand high poobah (the new name for the position of chancellor, by the way, I don't know if you got the memo, they only send it on Tuesdays to every third employee who began working in an odd numbered month...). Since he gets $354k, I guess the new poobah is looking at at least $360. I say, why not just make it a cool million, right? I mean, if we want the best candidate, don't we have to pay the best salary?

And we do want the very, very best.

Why shouldn't we have that? I mean, other than the fact that North Carolina's higher education is being gutted. And that once the student loan bubble pops we're upside down in a mortgage for three times the amount of our cash reserves. And that faculty and staff are fleeing the institution. And that we've made some not so great headlines while doing some not so great stuff and then not fixed any of it.

Maybe we'll get someone truly forgiving, generous, and willing to lead a troubled place back to glory, like, I don't know, the Dali Lama. What do you think his salary requirements might be?

Barring that, we can only hope that maybe the very best candidates don't have Google.